I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
