I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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