omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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