Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
