Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
