1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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