We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
