Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You dont lie about slip and slides
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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