I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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