4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
