Michael Bay diarrhea
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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