i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
