Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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