There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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