I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
