I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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