If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
