foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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