so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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