I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
