I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
