Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
