How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
where are my eyebrows?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
