I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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