I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
