Im at strip club and am horny
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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