two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
