You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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