do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
