Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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