i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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