I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
