If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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