I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
