no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
