if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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