You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
