I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
