I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just cropdusted the office
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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