I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
