TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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