Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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