i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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