the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
