SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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