So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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