we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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