Jerry, you need to find god
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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