I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
