if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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