I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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