I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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