I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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