did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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